


Home

by kftbrs



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, tanayachi if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-11 16:56:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3331691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kftbrs/pseuds/kftbrs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tanaka Ryuunosuke wanted to go home.<br/>Tanaka Ryuunosuke knew he couldn't go home, no matter how much he wanted to. He couldn't bring himself to reply to any text messages, knowing it would just drive him back North.<br/>Tanaka Ryuunosuke was a boy chasing his dream, and determined to finish it with no interruptions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shingekinoboyfriends](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shingekinoboyfriends/gifts).



_Ping!_

Tanaka looked down at his phone, mouth opened and ready to bite into his first meal in 12 hours. A text message from his sister. The food could wait, he decided.

He put the sandwich down, wiping his hands on his pants – Adidas soccer pants that he hadn’t washed in days. Clicking the notification, he saw that it was a video link.

_Thought you’d appreciate this, but maybe you’re not in Paris or Rome… update us on your travels, Ryuu! We’re all worried._

He began typing back an answer, but couldn’t hit send.

He’d miss home too much if he did, and he’d never be able to finish this. One message would lead to a reply, then a conversation – he had to do this. Nothing was worth skipping out on completing this – his – dream.

After his graduation ceremony, he found that he was lost, with no plans whatsoever. Even Noya had gotten accepted into a public university, mostly because of volleyball, but Tanaka had received nothing. Even for being the ace, his grades weren’t high enough.

So he set out. With a motorcycle and a bag of clothes, credit card in wallet, and a passport, he set off. It was hot, it was summer, and he’d been travelling for days, having stopped only once today at a FamilyMart to grab some food.

He plugged in his earphones, running his hands through his coarse hair – it had grown out, and he was thinking of just getting the sides shaved this time. Something new, for when he came home.

_If_ he came home.

Coincidentally, that was the name of the song that Saeko had sent him. The high tenor – soprano range, really – began, and was joined with the alto, tenor. Then the baritones and basses filed in, filling his head with a rich six-part harmony. He chuckled, taking in the music, and sat back to enjoy it.

_Another summer day_

_Has come and gone away_

_In Paris and Rome_

_But I wanna go home_

 

––––––––––

 

Shibuya, Tokyo. 

That was where he had stopped for the night.

The streets were bustling with activity, people bumping into him as he stopped in the middle of the street. Some apologized, most moved on.

He breathed in the city air, taking in the lights and sounds of honking horns. The nauseating smell of gasoline filled his nostrils and he tried not to gag – how could anyone enjoy this crowded place?

But he saw its beauty, too.

How at ease the people seemed. How daring they dressed, different from his own country-boy fashion – necklaces and caps and saggy sweatpants. Bejeweled sweaters with random English words on them that he didn’t understand a lick of – he had to pull up a translation for his sister’s song, seeing as it was all in English, except for the acapella opening and closing.

Those had to be his favourite parts.

He was listening to it now – it had come on shuffle and he hadn’t stopped it. The opening line had become so familiar to him now. He always paused and replayed it when he heard the song, over and over and over, a stream of “Oohs”, filling into an “Ah”. 

Hell, it even _felt_ like home. Rounded vowels, warm and comforting.

Quiet, like most of his day.

Then loud, near the end, when his sister came home, and even louder when his dad was there.

Tanaka scowled at the thought. His dad came home yelling, “Have you guys done your homework? Made dinner? How about laundry?” like it was all he cared about. Tanaka had wanted to yell at him to “Do it yourself!”, many times, but kept from doing so.

It wouldn’t have been this bad if his mom was there.

His dad never had to worry when his mom was there.

It was like he didn’t trust them, or something, like the only person he did trust was the small black-haired lady that he had married. She was full of laughter and life, and all of that had disappeared over the course of – how many months?

Tanaka couldn’t even muster up the memories. All he knew was that she was at the doctor’s a lot, that his dad cried a lot, and that the last thing he remembered about her was that she looked sad. 

She was sitting in a hospital gown, tucked into a hospital bed, hooked up to a whole bunch of machines and tubes protruding from her skin – it was disgusting.

But even worse that he couldn’t remember anything else.

He didn’t even remember the funeral – just being forced into an itchy shirt and suit and shoes that were too loose. He had clopped around like a horse, whining about where his mom was and when they could go home.

His dad had swallowed hard before whacking him on the head, gently, but enough to cause seven-year-old Tanaka to wince and shut up for the afternoon.

That day, he found himself surrounded by a lot of people. He hadn’t talked to anyone, and kept glancing around at the temple. He didn’t get what was going on at the time, but when they came back the next year, he realized.

It was where his mom was.

He’d clued in that she had died halfway through the ceremony, and started crying. But he didn’t.

_I leave a lot of things undone, don’t I?_

Like replying to text messages.

Like telling his sister he loved her – or at least that he was grateful for her. 

Like – possibly – finishing this “national tour” – as he called it. Noya claimed it was more of a quest, and Hinata had called it a Journey of Self Discovery – but it was really just his dream.

And this was the one thing he wanted to do.  

_May be surrounded by_

_A million people I_

_Still feel all alone_

_I just wanna go home_

_Oh, I miss you, you know_

He was still looking up at the billboards and lights, all of which were starting to hurt his eyes now. A car honked to his left, probably trying to crash through the crowd of people jaywalking through the intersection. He ignored it, holding his phone up and taking a snapshot of the place. It was just like the pictures of Times Square in New York that he had seen – and this was probably the closest he would ever get.

(He’d feel equally lonely in both places.)

He’d seen Tokyo Tower, and still felt nothing.

(His team should’ve been there.)

_Tanaka-senpai! Thought we should let you know, we won a practice match against Nekoma today. Taketora-san even came to watch, hoping you’d be with us. I told him that you were off travelling somewhere. Come home soon! We miss you. Cheers, Yachi._

Maybe, soon.

 

––––––––––

 

_To: Daichi_

_In Tokyo, saw the tower. Thought of you. I have so many drafts I haven’t sent. Maybe we should meet up._

His finger hovered over the “send” button. He shrugged and pressed it, putting the phone on top of the laundry machine.

The two met up for coffee a few days later.

“You won’t tell anyone I’ve been avoiding talking to them, right?”

“You’re fine. May I… ask why?”

Tanaka shrugged.

“I guess I just… don’t want to. If I do, it’ll drive me back home, and I won’t get to finish this.

“Finish what?”

“You know, this.”

“I don’t get it.”

He shrugged again.

 

––––––––––

 

_To: Noya_

_I’m in Tokyo, thinking of the times we had together. I really missed it._

_To: Noya_

_Hey, think I should stop by the gym we played that Nekoma practice match in during second year?_

_To: Asahi_

_Hey, you big baby. Hope you’re well. I saw this hippie coffee-flower shop the other day, and thought of you. It looks like someplace you’d like._

_To: Nee-chan_

_I’m fine, stop worrying. Hope you and dad are okay, I’m thinking of you. I got you a wadaiko key-chain from the Bon festival when I was in Chiba._  

_To: Hinata_

_Visited Mt. Fuji today. Remembered you talking about how you thought you could jump over it, and let me tell you, you couldn’t. Hope your classes are going well, ace._

_To: Nee-chan_

_Saw the Holy Sword of Kusanagi today. Thought of mom. She liked history, right?_

His finger hovered over the “send all” button. There were over 100 drafts he had in here, all of them short and simple.

He sounded too distant, didn’t he?

The song had him thinking about it, and as much as he wanted to…

He was in the Chuubu region already, and it had only been a couple of months. There were so many landmarks he had yet to see, but it wasn’t like he was going to come across all of them.

His plans were to hit Kansai – visit Osaka and Kyoto, and then head back up the west coast. Stop by some beaches, meet some women.

Not that they’d look at him.

His hair was longer now, and he had shaved the sides. He looked like Taketora, he really did, with piercings and tattoos.

Well, one piercing and two tattoos.

He had suggested the first, an anchor, which Noya also had, so “Our friendship won’t float away, bro!”

But look who left – he hadn’t contacted any of his friends since graduation.

Maybe he just liked wallowing in his little hole of pity – he liked feeling bad for himself, letting his friends chase after him. It showed that someone cared, you know? That someone actually wanted him home.

He felt a pang of guilt, and considered going straight back up to Sendai. It would take him, what, nine hours? If he went straight through the night, he’d be home in no time. 

His sister had wanted him home. She always did, making sure he called if he was going out, and telling him everything that would be happening. “Dad’s coming home at eight, okay, and if you don’t want to get yelled at, be home by seven.” “I have the graveyard shift tonight, will you be okay waking yourself up in the morning?” “Make sure you come home right after practice, I’m going to cook dinner for us. We never eat as a family.”

Stuff like that.

She’d taken care of him all his life since their mom died. They never talked about it, it was just the way things were. She had shoved about 10,000 yen into his hands when he left, telling him not to use it in one place, and that it wouldn’t last him long anyways. She knew she couldn’t keep him at home, and supported his plans. 10,000 dollars that she had earned for herself, now being wasted on her brother.

He hadn’t used any of it, instead draining his own bank account. He had a credit card on top of that, and he was going to return Saeko’s money, if he could.

She’d done enough for him as it was.

A text message in return wouldn’t exactly suffice. 

_And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you_

_Each one a line or two_

_“I’m fine baby, how are you?”_

_Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough_

_My words were cold and flat_

_And you deserve more than that_

 

––––––––––

 

_100 plays_

He just really, really liked the song.

He hadn’t turned around in Osaka and Kyoto. He went south, into Hiroshima, where the devastation of the second world war had happened.

His mom would’ve liked it here. Or maybe not, but there was so much history that she would’ve liked.

She used to read him stories about the 20th century. “This happened way before you were born. Let’s hope it’ll never happen again, okay?”

He had nodded furiously, willing to do anything she told him to. He was always on his best behaviour at night, not even whistling, for fear of the ghosts that would come and take him away – another thing his mom had told him about.

He loved her, ridiculous stories and all.

(After all, that second tattoo was her name.)

_Another aeroplane_

_Another sunny place_

_I’m lucky, I know_

_But I wanna go home_

_Mmmm, I’ve got to go home_

 

_Let me go home_

_I’m just too far from where you are_

_I wanna come home_

 

––––––––––

 

“Shit,” he swore, as his foot got completely soaked. Tanaka groaned, slumping to the ground. He had left his motorcycle at his motel, thrown on some sweats and flip flops. He was just wearing a white tank top, and hadn’t bothered to bring an umbrella. He was just getting food, after all.

This was how it had been for the last couple of days. He never knew when it would rain, and when it did, it was the absolute worst. Everything got soaked – he’d had to make four laundry runs in the past three days, more than he’d washed his clothes this entire journey in such a short span of time.

After Hiroshima, he headed into Yamaguchi. There was a draft somewhere with an inappropriate joke, addressed to Yamaguchi himself, but, as usual, he hadn’t bothered sending it.

Clicking “save” instead of “send” had become a habit at this point.

He had stayed there for the Iwakuni festival in August, but left right after the first day. He rode back north, right back into Osaka, and then into Ōtsu, where he was now. He preferred the food here, where everything was sweeter.

He thought of Noya, whenever he ate the food here. 

He wondered why he hadn’t proposed this to him earlier. Then they could’ve done this together – travelling on the road with your best friend, living off of convenience store food and never washing your clothes – it sounded like something they would’ve enjoyed. But it wasn’t what he had wanted, was it? He, surprisingly, wanted to get married and settle down. Maybe adopt a couple of kids.

And what about Saeko? If she had come along, he wouldn’t have been so lonely. She would’ve loved the amount of candy there was in the markets here. There were things you could get just about anywhere but, hey, “foreign candy!” was always better. Even if it was just from a 10 hour drive away.

_And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life_

_It’s like I just stepped outside_

_When everything was going right_

_And I know just why you could not_

_Come along with me_

_This was not your dream_

_But you always believed in me_

 

Tanaka stood up again. His bag had hit the ground when he was thinking. Its not like he had anything important in there, his phone had been left in his hotel room, and his wallet was tucked inside his pocket.

Except for –

“Shit!” he swore again, louder this time, catching the attention of a couple mothers and their children. The elementary school kids giggled, and the moms scowled, Tanaka bowed an apology, flustered. Once they were gone, he fished out a soaking wet map from his bag.

It was scored with red lines and messy handwriting – even worse than his. It looked like his sisters, but with sharper lines.

His mom’s map.

There were star stickers over the cities she had wanted to visit – he was always wondering where she used those. The gold ones would be given to him, because he wanted to be first place, and the silver to his sister, because she thought it was classier than the gaudy gleam of “metallic yellow”. They got one whenever they were good – Saeko had stopped accepting them at age 8, claiming that she was much too old for them.

He stopped accepting them when she died. Not by choice, though, but because there were none left to accept. 

Most of them were crossed out with a sharpie, like she’d already gone there – all in the North, and the islands just South of Kyushu. Missing in between were Tokyo, Osaka, Kyoto and Hiroshima.

They were such large cities, and also the most well-known of Japan – or so he thought. Popular tourist destinations, for their shopping and landmarks. He wondered why she hadn’t visited before.

He liked them just fine, but he wasn’t much of a city boy. He liked Ōtsu better – it was quiet, like where he had lived in Sendai.

He had come to see the lake, but realized that he liked the city’s streets better than Osaka, and stayed.

He didn’t have his map – now, anyways. Nothing telling him where to go, or what to do. He was finished, it seemed.

He was done exploring for now. Maybe he’d stay here for a bit. A few weeks, at most.

 

––––––––––

 

_When are you coming home, senpai?_ – _Hinata_

He had stayed more than a few weeks.

He rented a small apartment, and stayed there, working at a local bubble tea shop. He went in there so much, anyways. The food wasn’t the best, but the decor certainly drew him in – the baubles hanging from the ceiling reminded him of the first years. Yachi, especially, with the hair ties she had always decorated her hair with. And Kageyama, who always pulled at them and claimed they’d hurt someone someday. There were feathers painted on the walls, small and black against an orange backdrop, like it was made for a Karasuno student.

He liked it here.

And until he received that text from Hinata, he hadn’t even considered thinking of leaving. He was comfortable. He’d gotten acquainted with the high school students, even crushing on a couple of the cute girls that would come in. He chatted openly and easily with everyone, like a bartender, and even learned how to cook from the chefs in the back. 

He liked it here. People were starting to file into Ōtsu for the ski season, and he’d been waiting to see the snow. 

But he also liked it back home.

(Maybe it was time to go home.)

_Another winter day has come_

_And gone away_

_In either Paris or Rome_

_And I wanna go home_

_Let me go home_

 

_And I’m surrounded by_

_A million people I_

_Still feel alone_

_And let me go home_

_Oh, I miss you, you know_

 

––––––––––

 

_I’m home._

Tanaka clicked the “send” button for the first time in over half a year.

It went out to everyone he had thought about texting, even Yamaguchi – “I’m in you! Haha, just kidding. Just the place, but I’m sure being in you wouldn’t be bad, either.”

He had saved all the drafts into one document about what he wanted to say to everyone when he saw them, and decided that was enough. They’d get it when they saw him, awkward and shuffling his feet – “IT’S BEEN HALF A YEAR, TANAKA!” then glance at his hair and piercings (he’d acquired two more since) and everything else about him that had changed. 

He went home – actually home – first, and was greeted by his sister.

“I lost my key,” he mumbled, taking off his shoes.

She was speechless. 

Then she started hitting him with an oven mitt.

“TEN MONTHS, NOT A SINGLE TEXT –” 

He tuned her out after that. 

“– WORRIED SICK –” 

And back out. 

“– EVEN DAD CONSIDERED GETTING A PHONE JUST TO TEXT YOU –”

That got his attention.

“Where is the old man, anyway? It’s a Tuesday, he doesn’t usually work –” 

“He didn’t work on Tuesdays because you never liked coming home to an empty house,” Saeko snapped.  

That’s right – volleyball practices stopped happening on Tuesdays after a while because of other club activities. 

“Oh.” 

It had never occurred to him that his dad actually care about that kind of thing. If he did, he never showed it, at least not outright. 

(Isn't that what family – close family – should be doing?)

“He’ll be home later, come inside and take a bath, please. You stink to high hell.”

“Isn’t it high heaven?” 

“Hell. Hell makes more sense for you. Geez, you look like a mongrel. Did you get more piercings? I’d say I’m proud, but you’re still seven in my mind. Look at you, decked out in a leather jacket, I’m surprised you didn’t get arrested –”

And he was back out.

_Let me go home_

_I’ve had my run_

_Baby, I’m done_

_I gotta go home_

_Let me go home_

_It'll all be all right_

_I’ll be home tonight_

_I’m coming back home_

––––––––––

 

It was about 11 AM when he had gotten home.

It was about 3 PM when he left again, this time heading uphill. He stopped by the foothill store, and was met with a pork bun to the face – “Your sister told me you were back in town. Why haven’t you said anything for the past year?”

Tanaka scratched his head and apologized. He bought a bag of pork buns, as many as he thought he needed, and headed towards the school.

He was greeted in the hallway first by a loud yell and a blob of orange hair, knocking the paper bag straight out of his hands.

Then Yachi’s screech. Then Kageyama came up, unshaken but grinning. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi came next, both smiling, the latter flustered – Yamaguchi had let his hair grow out and held it in a ponytail, like how Asahi’s was always in a bun. School was just being let out at this point, and the first years – no, third years, now, were heading to the gym. Volleyball season was long over, but it didn’t stop them from hogging the waxed floors and nets.

His homecoming was a big deal, he realized.

Sugawara, Asahi, Noya – even Kiyoko all came for a visit. Daichi called – he was in Tokyo – and everyone yelled into the microphone, even though it was on speakerphone. Finally, the phone reached Tanaka. 

“Yo, baldy!” Daichi joked. “You got home alright.” 

“Yeah.”

“Did you finish your thing?”

“I… what?”

“Your tour thing. Did you finish it?”

“Yeah, out of all the things I didn’t do.”

“Give yourself some credit. You finished off two things this time, you know.”

“Yeah? This, and what else?”

“You came home.”

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [home - the king singers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crO5KL4HHDE)  
> we were working our way through this song in vocal jazz and i thought of tanaka – its always been my headcanon that he would go on a gap year after high school, just travelling because university? nah  
> this is my first work that i'm posting publicly and im freakishly nervous – it legit took me 4 hours to get through this page. im not particularly good at writing long things either, bc my writing style is so choppy. but i still like writing and will probably be doing more!!! maybe


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